As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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