I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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