I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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