So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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