If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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