so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
