i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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