I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
