pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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