I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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