Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
