Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
