i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
