I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
