They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
