I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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