some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
