Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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