chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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