Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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