Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
