This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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