Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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