As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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