Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
