She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
