i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
