You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This baby is an asshole
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
