I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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