I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
