I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize