we have pet lesbian snakes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
