who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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