You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
