And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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