i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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