this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
