How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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