Sorry, I don't speak sober.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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