so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
