Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
