Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
