I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
