Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
