I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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