take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
