no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
