winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
