so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
