Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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