the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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