i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize