I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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