Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
