Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
