i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
