I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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