Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
