I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize