It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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