After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
