That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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