I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There are leaves in my underwear?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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