I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
