I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
