I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
