Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
