chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
