out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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