i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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