I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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