I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
