Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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