His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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