The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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