OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
