I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
