I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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