Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
