I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
