she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
