I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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