You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
