It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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