you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
