plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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