He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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