I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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