I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
from now on my penis is your penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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