Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
