Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
