I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
try to milk me bitch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
