only if we run a train.
done.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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