Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize