Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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