My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
