You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
