What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
