I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
