Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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