I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
