I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
