The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
