so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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