I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
