why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
