Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
