I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize