I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
