maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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