She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
