I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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