i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
