Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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