Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
