Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
