This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
