I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
