So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
