i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
