Will you blow on my dice?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
