While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
