She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm too high and old for this...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
